Holding Back
by ImJustDefyingGravityx3
Summary: "Blaine would never even come close. But she couldn't hold him back anymore." Or, Kurt loves Rachel but is scared to say anything. Hummelberry, mentions of Klaine and Finchel. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee in any shape, way, or form.**

**Dedicated to Kuliet4ever.(: **

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><p>Since the day Kurt Hummel met Rachel Berry, he knew that there was something special about her. Then he heard her sing, and he felt that special something deep down inside. She may have been bossy and a bit temperamental at times, but he soon found her catching his attention. However, when his eyes would linger just a little longer than necessary, he passed it off as interest in her style choices. Compared to his, they were atrocious. That's all he paid attention to-<em>he was gay. <em>He didn't like any girls, especially not Rachel Berry.

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><p>During his performance of "Pink Houses" by John Mellancamp, Kurt couldn't help but keep looking at Rachel. She looked confused and almost upset. For a second, he was touched that she cared. But he ignored the feeling (as usual) and resumed his attention back to the song. After all, it was only Rachel. Her opinion didn't matter to him, anyway. When she gave a half-hearted clap at the end before turning away, he shrugged it off and pretended that it didn't bother him (even though he clapped at <em>all<em> of her performances). He planned on just talking to her after class to see what she thought of his new look, but then Brittany came along and he forgot about her. Besides, Finn was in love with her, and she had Jesse... so she couldn't be his 'experiment' either way. For some reason he couldn't quite put his finger on, he felt something like... dissapointment.

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><p>Kurt couldn't help but think that something was wrong. First of all, he was having these feelings for <em>a girl, <em>which had never happened to him before. Also, the feelings were about Rachel Berry, of all people. She was always on and off with Finn, and she'd never once shown any sign of interest in Kurt. To avoid heartbreak, he tried hard to just ignore her as much as possible, but it couldn't be done. She was always around, so he eventually just sucked up his pride and became her friend. That was, they could be together without him being obvious about wanting to be around her as much as possible. Being friends was something he could handle.

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><p>"Kurt? I need your help." The words rang through his head as he rushed to get to Rachel's house. It was already ten o'clock, but he was going to help her anyway. He scribbled a quick note to his dad explaining that he was spending the night at Rachel's, then he practically ran to his car. A few minutes later, he found himself in her room as she told him about some Britney Spears fantasy she had, so she needed him to help her create a new look. His heart swelled with pride at her needing him, or even thinking of him right away, but he brushed it off yet again and set to work in her closet. Eventually, he came out with a short black skirt, a cut-off read v-neck spaghetti strap tank top, a white shirt that was tied around her waist to show off her stomach, and a grey sweater. Once Rachel was wearing it, she added black knee-length socks and some pumps. As she modeled it, spinning around to show off every angle, his only thought was <em>Kurt Hummel, you've done it again, <em>as her arms flew up around his neck and his around her waist. And when she offered to let him sleep in her bed so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor or on a couch after doing something nice for her, he didn't even try to object.

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><p>Months went flashing by, and Kurt grew closer to Rachel with each one. Then her met Blaine, and he became sort of confused and overwhelmed. he got the same strange feeling he had when he first met Rachel. At first, he was relieved. Here was someone he actually had a chance with, and he could just forget about the brunette diva who caused him so much inner turmoil. But things quickly fell apart when he realized that the Dalton student wouldn't make his heart change its mind, so he left McKinley and went to the Dalton Academy. Everything was great for awhile. He focused completely on Blaine and being a Warbler, until he heard about the "Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza." Although he knew it was a bad idea, he asked his new best friend to accompany him, hoping it would at least distract him from the beautiful hostess. Then Spin-The-Bottle happened, and he sort of flipped out. Rachel was his first,<strong> not <strong>Blaine's.

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><p>Eventually, the boys made up, and Kurt was able to actually start forgetting the girl he had left behind at McKinley. He dated Blaine, and everything was okay. Of course, every time he saw Rachel, his heart twinged with regret. She dated Puck, then Finn, then Jesse, then Finn again, and on and on until he couldn't keep track anymore. Why shouldn't he get a little bit of happiness, too? All he knew was that his heart broke over and over, only to be repaired by his new boyfriend. He felt bad about being in a relationship while having feelings for someone else, but he couldn't help it and he wouldn't let his life continue being based on Rachel. So he acted like nothing was wrong, convinced himself that Rachel Berry didn't matter, and moved on with his life- with Blaine.<p>

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><p>"I love you."<p>

Kurt had always wanted to hear those words directed towards him coming from somebody, but he didn't think it would make him feel as bad as it did. He should have been happy, but his thoughts unwillingly drifted to Rachel. Memories came rushing into his brain, making him choke on his coffee and become blank for a few seconds.

_Kurt meeting Rachel.  
>Sleepovers and makeovers on weekends.<br>Singing together on a Broadway stage.  
>Sneaking out together in New York.<br>Kurt wishing Rachel would realize how he felt.  
>Rachel running back to Finn.<br>Kurt NEVER having a chance.  
>Regretting his decisions every minute.<br>Rachel, falling in love with Finn.  
>Kurt, falling in love with Rachel.<br>Blaine would never even come close.  
>But she couldn't hold him back anymore. <em>

"I love you, too."

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><p><strong>Well that came out more angsty than I would've hoped. But anyway, this was inspired by YouTube videos. I don't really like the thought of these two being together, yet I love it. Yeah, I'm confusing.(: Anyway, review and tell me what you thought! And look up the KurtRachel videos. I liked "Hummelberry or Kurtchel" by sophieimagleek, "Kurt / Rachel; About You Now" by onypotter, and "Two Worlds Collide HummelBerry" by unholytrinityx. They're really good.(: **

**Thanks for reading!  
>~Valerie :D <strong>


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